Monday, 1 December 2008

What if...

Why was I in love with you?
Why did I fall in love with you?
What was it that made me believe in us so much?

Maybe because I saw and I felt that you were just like me.
from the inside you were all that I was.
Passionate
Dreamy
Hurt
At times scared of your own emotions
And the power they have to create chaos

Maybe because I saw that you were a child inside..
Just like me

Happy with the little things..
Excited just to see a smile..
Bored easily..
Laughing over things that made no sense sometimes.

But distance killed us didn't it?

We were two little kids needing each other like a security blanket
but so confused as to how to provide that warmth
when living so faraway...

Two little kids so full of love and hope
but so confused as to how to convey it...

I hurt you. You hurt me.
I know you loved me.
I know you don't anymore.
I believe you. All your words.

But what if we were close?
What if I still was there with you
everyday sharing those small inconsequential
details of our daily lives that made us happy?
still sharing those jokes only we understood..
The movies... the DEAD zone... the Dream catcher...

What if I hadn't left?

Why do I feel like you would have been mine forever.. then?

Why do I feel like I lost something extremely extremely important?

That I messed up what was meant to be...

Like I was about to reach that perfect place and fell short of a mile...

And yes I know I'll move on...
everyday the tragedy and the pain would seem a lil less..
And I haven't stopped laughing. or Crying.
And life doesn't stop through anything.
Birth. Death. Heartbreak.
But something is missing now.
Something has left me and who I was
And it is not coming back.

Call me a fool if you must.

But I did believe that you were my lobster.

You are a child at heart...
And how I wanted to protect you.
And I am a child..
So in need of your protection.

Together we were...
Comfortable..
In each others presence.
Happy to just be around
With no need to really say anything.

I just needed to come back...
And I will be back.
I will see you again...
Put on a smile. Ask about your life.
Not let you know how much I wish I was part of it.
I pray that you will be happy.
Pray for me too..

But what if ... what if I hadn't left???
Don't you see too that things would have been different?

Don't you see...
I just needed to come back...

11 comments:

Nikki said...

:)

The Lover said...

beautifully sad. I loved it. I think you'll like what I write. Do drop by.

umangexuberance said...

that was so sad and yet it made me smile
beautiful

Chrisann said...

does absence make the heart grow fonder or does fmailiarity breed contempt....?

zephyr said...

thank u all....

And @ Chrisann.. I wish I knew...

Gomzee said...

that was really lovely. you showed exactly the emotions that go through the mind of someone who has recently broken up and feels like coming back.

saw your site's link on bloggeratti.I'm glad i visited :)

Keep Writing

iggy said...

-sigh-

:)

7ark said...

hmmm...dont know u, yet...
Each love story is unique but each break up looks the same...
All i wonder is wat does ur mind choose to keep? a few snatches of love felt or the regret of what if??

you just wont know said...

this is really awesome.!:)

Anonymous said...

Hi...just came across ur blog by accident...searching for someone with a similar identity.. anyways....u have really beautiful words.....i dont know who u r....but honestly i pray for u...there is a strong urge for love in u...and u r a very different generation....my blessings! and as for love i would say....just try a little more...try talking to him!

zephyr said...

@Anonymous: do let me who u are... thank u so much for ur comment... n its k.. tht part of my life has long gone... :)