I am not a sentimental person. I am about certain things but not all.
I have always taken my dreams very seriously. I compartmentalize them. Some are not in my control.. I cannot guide them or ensure their fulfillment.
But some dreams I know are guided NOT by destiny but solely by my mental capabilities and physical efforts. I am not sentimental about them.
When I first joined Advertising I did not know what I was doing there. And two years later I still did not think that I could visualise myself in this industry ten years later. Primarily because I do not think that far ahead ever when it comes to my career. I know my dreams, with respect to my career, will keep evolving. I will always want to branch out... Try something new.. Do something more... Push myself till I am too exhausted to move further. Because that is what I discovered about my personality when I first joined Advertising.
My first job at LB was what an ideal job should be like (according to me) where they compel you to jump into the deepest waters without you really knowing if you will swim or drown. That is how I learned how far I could go to get things done. I discovered this crazy desire to do great work. Not good. Not passable. But great work. I needed to excel. I needed to learn faster than expected. Actually my work demanded that I do so. I flourished. There were times when it got too much. This desire in me to keep pushing myself one step further. There were many times when I would stand alone in the loo and cry just because I needed to let off a little steam.
But in the two years that I spent there I realized that I could achieve. I did have potential. Most importantly I knew how to learn.
I quit LB last year in June because I wanted to get a PG diploma and I wanted to move to Bombay. Over the past 11 months while I was at XIC, many times I questioned my decision. Sometimes I cursed myself and sometimes I made peace with the fact that I needed to do this. But yet again I continued to culture my desire to learn.
Now XIC is done. I am supposed to take the next step and this time it isn't as easy as it was when I was first out of BBA. Because this time alot more is expected off me. And I personally expect way more with myself.
I am not sentimental about things. But I am very sentimental about this competition I have with myself to excel beyond imagination. I want to curb the part of me that riddles in self doubt and break the boundaries I create for myself. At times it is exhausting. But then again the high one gets post that exhaustion is indescribable.
We have issues with people who do not initiate dialogue. When asked to initiate a dialogue towards awareness we put our hands up and say - who are we and who will listen to us?! When given a platform and an education to do so we shake our heads and say - WE, the middle class, need to feed ourselves and sustain our lifestyles and THIS does not pay.
So here is a person who has covered all bases and is trying to initiate a dialogue - he has the audience, the content researched by an able team and he has created a format that an average individual can understand.
And NO the show isn't perfect but nothing really is. Is he pushing his image? Maybe so. Is he making a profit? I really don't know. But are people watching? Yes they are.
And THAT to me is good enough reason for Aamir Khan to be up there shedding a few tears while he does educate many on the basics of some very important issues.
It is reality content but it is better content than what I see on most days. Sometimes one wholehearted or even half-hearted initiation of dialogue brings people together who can actually make a difference. If an average Indian learns of a thing called CHILDLINE via Satyamev Jayate, it is a start. Embrace it. Don't stop criticizing but don't negate the entire show's futility either.
I am a mess. Right now I am a mess. A basket case with chaos surrounding me. Some days I feel like I am falling into a big hole lined with people laughing at me. And even in this state of mind, I am better with you. For you I try. I know you and I are on different pages. Maybe on different chapters as well. But it is ok. I like this difference.
'Even at my best, I am better with you.'
I am lost. And confused. Many things I thought I had a grip on are slipping like sand. But I would let you take me anywhere. Because yes it IS better with you.
I will never change you. Never. You are my Shrek. Imperfectly perfect... always.
So most people tell me how one has very distinct singular roots. How one
belongs to one community. As a kid that troubled me. I was born a
Bengali. I was born in a quiet city called Midnapur in West Bengal. And I
grew up all over India.
Primarily in Punjab. And before I knew it I felt and behaved like one.
But that is the thing. My roots have kept evolving throughout.
I do not have singular roots. I have roots in many places and in many
cultures. I find my roots in Pune too. The city where I came of age. The
city that broke my heart, mended it and taught me to be an adult.
My roots also lie in Delhi. A city I defend and criticize with equal passion. A city I cry for when I am away.
Now I live in Bombay and am slowly forming connections here. Slowly absorbing the essence of what makes it the way it is.
I have figured that I form these roots not just because of what I absorb but also because of people I interact with. The ones I
meet... The ones who influence me... The ones who leave... It all contributes
to small parts of what makes me and the stories behind the creation of these parts.
Over the years the realization of all this helped me come to
terms with the fact that I am and will always be a khanabadosh. I will
forever carry my home on my shoulders forming roots around the world.
And THAT is quite a fun realization :)