Saturday, 19 May 2012

The next step...

I am not a sentimental person. I am about certain things but not all.

I have always taken my dreams very seriously. I compartmentalize them. Some are not in my control.. I cannot guide them or ensure their fulfillment.
But some dreams I know are guided NOT by destiny but solely by my mental capabilities and physical efforts. I am not sentimental about them.

When I first joined Advertising I did not know what I was doing there. And two years later I still did not think that I could visualise myself in this industry ten years later. Primarily because I do not think that far ahead ever when it comes to my career. I know my dreams, with respect to my career, will keep evolving. I will always want to branch out... Try something new.. Do something more... Push myself till I am too exhausted to move further. Because that is what I discovered about my personality when I first joined Advertising.

My first job at LB was what an ideal job should be like (according to me) where they compel you to jump into the deepest waters without you really knowing if you will swim or drown. That is how I learned how far I could go to get things done. I discovered this crazy desire to do great work. Not good. Not passable. But great work. I needed to excel. I needed to learn faster than expected. Actually my work demanded that I do so. I flourished. There were times when it got too much. This desire in me to keep pushing myself one step further. There were many times when I would stand alone in the loo and cry just because I needed to let off a little steam.

But in the two years that I spent there I realized that I could achieve. I did have potential. Most importantly I knew how to learn.

I quit LB last year in June because I wanted to get a PG diploma and I wanted to move to Bombay. Over the past 11 months while I was at XIC, many times I questioned my decision. Sometimes I cursed myself and sometimes I made peace with the fact that I needed to do this. But yet again I continued to culture my desire to learn.

Now XIC is done. I am supposed to take the next step and this time it isn't as easy as it was when I was first out of BBA. Because this time alot more is expected off me. And I personally expect way more with myself.

I am not sentimental about things. But I am very sentimental about this competition I have with myself to excel beyond imagination. I want to curb the part of me that riddles in self doubt and break the boundaries I create for myself. At times it is exhausting. But then again the high one gets post that exhaustion is indescribable.


Sathish said...

mmm... The expectations and wants should be ours... not others... so you are already way ahead... :)

We need to play hard, fast... but never regret results... since in pursuit of something we want, desire, dream.... everything is a learning... a loveable, laughable, enjoyable learning... :)

Confused Soul said...

Relax a little.
You've been doing your part, and very well.. You're not sentimental and that's in a way good.

Keep your focus on and I'm sure you'll achieve greater heights. All the best :)