Friday, 1 June 2012


I chuckle everytime I see the Captcha (I may have misspelled this) ask me to prove I am not a robot.

I guess I am not one. I breathe. I eat. I sleep. I drink. I throw up. I laugh. I cry.

But lately I feel like one. I have nothing to do. I don't have a job yet. No one wants a 'just two years work ex' planner. No one wants to hire the young girl. So everyday I walk around doing the expected things. I apply to more places. Meet more people. Call home and convince them I am ok. I smile. I make conversation.
I keep repeating - I am ok. I am great.

I have realised that writing about failures in Love is so much easier. You always know that Love may be a losing game and is not in your control.

But writing about personal setbacks in your life plan is so much more difficult. I had a plan. Even though I know plans sometimes do not work out but I still had one. Suddenly that plan has gotten erased and I feel stranded. In a city with so many people I feel alone. Not because there is lack of support but because I never thought I would ever reach a point where I would need so much support. So I run from meeting my friends as I don't want to answer the questions. I avoid meeting E if I have a terrible day because I know I will rub it off on him.

And I refuse to go home, to Delhi, before I have something because the thought of walking into that city without a job here is a thought too difficult to bear.

Sometimes my roommate and I talk about our current situation. She says that one day we will look back at all this and savour the fact that we had to struggle to get what we want. I want to believe her. My other alternative is to believe that I failed and that maybe I chose the wrong path. THAT alternative would leave me no where.

Stranded on my personal misery island.


Hitting rock bottom isn't instant.
It is painfully slow.
You think you are there... only to realise you are still falling.
Much like falling in love I suppose.

Love is a free fall. And sometimes you look up and see that you are the only one experiencing it...