Friday, 1 June 2012

Stranded

I chuckle everytime I see the Captcha (I may have misspelled this) ask me to prove I am not a robot.

I guess I am not one. I breathe. I eat. I sleep. I drink. I throw up. I laugh. I cry.

But lately I feel like one. I have nothing to do. I don't have a job yet. No one wants a 'just two years work ex' planner. No one wants to hire the young girl. So everyday I walk around doing the expected things. I apply to more places. Meet more people. Call home and convince them I am ok. I smile. I make conversation.
I keep repeating - I am ok. I am great.

I have realised that writing about failures in Love is so much easier. You always know that Love may be a losing game and is not in your control.

But writing about personal setbacks in your life plan is so much more difficult. I had a plan. Even though I know plans sometimes do not work out but I still had one. Suddenly that plan has gotten erased and I feel stranded. In a city with so many people I feel alone. Not because there is lack of support but because I never thought I would ever reach a point where I would need so much support. So I run from meeting my friends as I don't want to answer the questions. I avoid meeting E if I have a terrible day because I know I will rub it off on him.

And I refuse to go home, to Delhi, before I have something because the thought of walking into that city without a job here is a thought too difficult to bear.

Sometimes my roommate and I talk about our current situation. She says that one day we will look back at all this and savour the fact that we had to struggle to get what we want. I want to believe her. My other alternative is to believe that I failed and that maybe I chose the wrong path. THAT alternative would leave me no where.

Stranded on my personal misery island.

6 comments:

Confused Soul said...

You haven't failed. Just think of it as a deviation, a setback. I'm sure something huge will work out for you.. Have faith & hold on.. Don't lose hope!

God bless sweetz :)

Sushmit said...

Even Crusoe got saved, and those were the days when one didn't have satellites and computers. I daresay you'll be rescued soon enough, rather you'll rescue yourself :)

Kashif Khan said...

dont b disheartened dear..this is LIFE..and we have to live it..live it happily..and happiness dsnt come free..IT costs..sumtimes veyy little..sumtimes too much to afford..so jus have a beer and ALL is well yaara...:)BTW am new to dese blogs world..dunno frm where i landed up here..went thru many of ya writings..many were fantabulous..some heart touching..some funny..some boring too;)...but yu knw wat it was a stress-relieving for me..thnx a ton dear...

Kashif Khan said...

dont b disheartened dear..this is LIFE..and we have to live it..live it happily..and happiness dsnt come free..IT costs..sumtimes veyy little..sumtimes too much to afford..so jus have a beer and ALL is well yaara...:)BTW am new to dese blogs world..dunno frm where i landed up here..went thru many of ya writings..many were fantabulous..some heart touching..some funny..some boring too;)...but yu knw wat it was a stress-relieving for me..thnx a ton dear...

Nikita Banerjee Bhagat said...

I failed 9 interviews before I landed a job in a small time magazine. But it was worth it. You will look back someday and smile... :) Best of Luck!

youjustwontknow said...

I appreciate your acceptance of your depression.I empathize and really love your bold and candid approach towards it.Ur not alone.Im there and there are millions more