Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Crush my wings

Crush my wings.
Lose the key.
Burn the maps.
I don't want to ever find you back.

For the majority part of my life I have been in love with the idea of being in love.
I have never tried to understand what it really means.

This past year I have tried to analyse the concept.. I have made a brilliant fool of myself. I have drunk dialed.. drunk messaged.. cried.. begged... been ridiculous..
All in the name of love.

And one day I realized (after being humiliated again for the 100th time) that love may be hard and needs effort, but hell this is not love.. I was not mistaken when I saw the most amazing feeling of warmth in his eyes.. He was not faking the grip when he held my hand with certainty.. But he is not lying either when he throws me out of his life every single time.

I know I am persistent. It is part of my personality to be such. I invade. Literally. I dig my way in especially when I am asked not to be there. May be it is an ego thing. No idea.

But my persistent efforts just made me look worst than ever. I wished to disappear. I felt 16 again :P

This past year has made me look at me and the entire idea of attachments in a different way.
I have always thanked every single man who has walked into my life. They have all taught me something. And even this one did. I will never know why we would always get stuck in the same cycle. But maybe I am not meant to know every single thing in life.

(so many maybes ) :P


AB said...

OMG! It feels like reading what I have been doing too. It feels better already to know that I am not 'abnormal'!

May we find what we want in life sister...

Nikita Banerjee said...

Have you ever thought of not wanting to be love? Maybe then the real love thing might happen. Just relax.

zephyr said...

@ab: No ur not abnormal at all :)..

@Nikita: Yes I have thought of it.. have done it as well.. :)
And I don't believe in the concept of real love anymore.. there is love.. no ultimate love :)