Thursday, 6 August 2009

Crash and Burn

No... She wasn't dreaming. It was as real as it could get...

The rains weren't just washing down the dust off the dry windows of this oddly functioning aircraft, they were also washing out the guilt. She was done playing games. She was done giving excuses. She was done making him wait.
But she didn't want to accept just yet the fact, that he wasn't waiting anymore..
And that she was looking for him anyways.

This was wrong. Wrong on so many levels. And yet she needed to be there.. Next to him. Even if he was going to look away. She needed his presence around her being. He was her drug and she didn't want to quit just yet. He gave her a reason to look ahead.

This was wrong. This was something that was going to push her into a deeper abyss, as if it were even possible to fall further. But she knew...

He was worth it.. worth it all...

If only's did cross her mind but she promised herself to not think of the what if's... or fantasize about the possibility of something more...

Taylor Swift's song white horse started playing in the iPod just then...
'I am not a princess.. This aint a fairy tale...'

She smiled at the aptness of these words... She smiled at knowing how well aware she is about her life. And yet how out of control everything seems to be...
She wasn't the loser here. She wasn't the victim... She was just not ready.
She wasn't ready, she felt, to stop this process.. to stop this chaos....

She was rambling again... And this time she decided not to stop. She hadn't talked for a while now and she needed to let it out...
Even if she was talking to herself.

The flight landed. Finally. It was still raining.

And there he was. Standing. He was here as a distant memory. An obligation.
But today was not the day to accept this. Today was not the day to walk into rehab and quit him.
Today she was just going to enjoy his presence and fall...

No... there was no one to catch her.
And yes... she just wanted to know how far can she fall before she crashes and burns...

6 comments:

Iggy said...

SIGH!!! Wonderful!

Swas said...

hmm.. so.. sometimes when there is no one to catch you when you fall.. the pain from the fall is relief.. it kills your guilt.. but as i had earlier said.. the worst is when you allow yourself the pain.. the hurt and madness..
take care.. :)
you know exactly what i mean!
p.s there is always someone to catch you before the fall.

Raghav said...

interesting... but wat i fear is to crash and somehow escape the burn.
that would be really scary, and painful

Anonymous said...

nothing new? is he in your city? -"anom"

Sathish said...

:)

Mihir said...

:)