Ego

'of course I have moved on. of course I don't care..."

And yet these words sounded so hollow in her head.
No she was not as paranoid as she always joked she was.
But yes she did have an ego that she claimed she didn't have.
The realization of this fact brought her face to face with the uncomfortable truth - she didn't know herself at all. She knew bits and pieces. But not the whole picture.

Her memories of the ill fated night and words she shouldn't have read, regularly gave her invisible slaps. Slaps that left marks only she could see.

But some things are worth second chances, she repeated in her head and received a nod from her heart.

For now she will bear the burn of the slaps of her memories hoping that time will bring her evidence that her choice was the right one.

'I may have an ego', she said, 'but the ego is not the master of me, rather it is my slave.'

An awful day and my people.

I am having a bad day.

The kind of day where all I really want is to have someone hold me and secure me in a tight warm cocoon.

I am feverish on a day before a very important college project. I feel like I will let down my team members by not being upto the mark. I feel low on confidence and incredibly whiny. And I feel like a needy human right now. A human who is reacting too much on things that are not so important!

All I want is to get through today and tomorrow unscathed. To get through without screaming at anyone. And without wanting someone.

That is also the issue. when did I start wanting someone's presence so much?
So ya sometimes people have other things to do and they don't show up when you need them or even when you have asked them many times. Big deal!

I have Ree, Puri and Swas. I have my mom and her beautiful voice. I have Chris and his jokes. I have my Dad and his pep talks. I have wonderful brothers who think I am a rockstar! I have all these people who I never write about. I think I should.

And it is moments like these when I realise just how much they do for me and how little I do back.

I love you people. You save me when I am drowning in my own fears. And you love me irrespective. :)

My version of 'Having a coke with you by Frank O'Hara'

So I wrote my own version of 'Having A Coke With You' which is a poem by Frank O'Hara.
The original is amazing !

Below is my version :)


Having a beer with you
is much more fun than walking around a second hand bookstore
sniffing the lovely smell of old books

Having a beer with you
is much more soothing than the best Blues songs ever played
and the most insane piece of saxophone craziness gets trumped by that smile you carry

Having a beer with you
is even more amazing when I hear the words that flow out of your mouth
like a song that doesn't need to rhyme and yet is music to one's ears

Having a beer with you
is much more exciting than the long twisted unexplored lanes of South Bombay
and more surprising than the shops that surround Fort

I look at you
and I realise that my eyes were a waste before I saw you with them
That my smile was nothing but a light breeze before I smiled at you

I look at you
and I want to keep looking
sometimes protectively, sometimes lovingly, sometimes just like that

I look at you
and all chaos is logic suddenly
and life holds a higher reason, a reason I needn't know yet

So come with me
Let's have that beer, shall we? :)

Prince charming who? :P

Nobody wants Prince Charming! It is Shrek we're all looking for.
The guy who will love us even when we look and act like ogres!

I think I may have found my Shrek :)
*fingers crossed*

a tale post the fairy tale

The damsel woke up from her dream
only to find her Knight's armour
shining for someone else.

Her kiss had left nothing
but rust.

smile

Smile
It is an important action
The world needs to see you that
Maybe every 30 secs, make it a min.

Smile
Because you don't have answers yet
And you don't want to answer yet

Smile
The world is watching
Some just need you to fall

Smile
Right now you are your only enemy
And still your only friend

Smile
And life will someday smile back
Life will someday respect your faith

Smile
And maybe. eventually.
It won't look so fake anymore.

The value of appreciation

The eternal question for every writer is this.

Are you writing for yourself or for someone else?
Does it matter if no one ever reads it or rather the person you have written about, never reads it or you want him/her to read and react to your words?

What makes u sadder - everyone reading it but not him/her or no one reading it but him/her?

It is funny really how sometimes the only appreciation we seek is from that special someone. Sometimes all we want is for him/her to look at us and say that WE inspire them too. Don't get me wrong. It isn't that we need their appreciation to define our worth. But I guess we need their appreciation because when someone you love pats you on your back, the value of that pat is way more than a million acquaintances telling you how amazing you are :)

I guess...

An old post but my favourite post - The Umbrella

I stood behind the tree waiting…
I had carefully placed the ‘umbrella’ on his door…
Our special HUGE umbrella that had kept us dry and close through so many days of rain…

The placing of the umbrella was such that when he opened the door, it would fall right at his feet… After making sure the arrangement was perfect, I had rung the doorbell three times and had run for cover… The tree seemed perfect… So I stood there… waiting… wondering…

And just then the door opened and ‘thump’ went the umbrella at someone’s feet (I couldn’t see who it was yet)

Then the stranger stepped out into the sun holding the umbrella and yes it was him!! He looked around and then at the umbrella he held, with that surprised curious expression I was so used to seeing…

He was reading the note I’d stuck on the front of our shared possession.

“1. Lift the Umbrella over your head.
2. Open the Umbrella while positioned over your head.
3. And don’t worry! It is not a bomb and it wont bite!
- S”

And still with that same expression intact on his face he did as was written…

Voila!!!

Out came lots and lots and lots of pictures… Our pictures... Clicked over the months we were a couple… tumbling down in two’s and three’s all over him!!

For a moment there was a look of utter confusion on his face!
And then he read the second note… stuck right in the middle of the umbrella


“Our love might have faded away….
But why let the memories go the same direction?
Leaving you a few of many... Enjoy! -S”


He smiled.
Nodded his head like he always did when I acted like a child.
Gathered the pictures.
The umbrella.
And went in.

Behind the tree I smiled.
Shrugged like I always did when I wanted to say I cant help being this way.
Gathered my life.
My still existent love.
And walked away.