Clean breaks and Lost innocence...

I am always in a hurry.
I always want to know everything about someone.
I need to investigate... inquire... scratch beneath the surface...

I am afterall a very open person.
But it struck me that maybe sometimes people don't want to open up instantly. They don't want you to know so soon the past moments in their lives. The moments of intense joy. And specially the moments when they felt that they couldn't go on anymore.

There are things too that I don't talk about. That I never want to even think about.
Maybe we all deserve a clean break from the past sometimes.
Is it wrong to have a fresh start and let the past be?

I got a weird message today from a man from my past. A long time ago he meant the world to me. And I felt sad knowing how much I had changed over the years.
I used to be more of a believer then.
I believed him with all my heart and innocence.
And I believed in love. The simple uncomplicated feeling of love.

Is that innocence lost now?
Have I seen too much to believe again?

Now people tell me how fragile the concept of Love and commitment is nowadays.
And I realise that maybe what I am looking for doesn't even exist.
It has stopped bothering me now. I have accepted and have gotten lost in this changing world.

the world that I don't understand.

About the place where I grew up - Delhi

I want to write about you.
Put your layers in words.
I need a place to start.
Something for the middle
And the end too is unclear.
But still
I want to write about you.
The way you dance
Under dim lights
Of foggy nights.
The way you cruise
On hot summer afternoons.
The way you hurt
The darkness of your dirt
Your alleys and corners
The open spaces hiding secrets.
I want to expose you
And your every single scar.
You are trapped aren’t you?
In the mindset of the migrants?
You are trapped in myths
And stereotypes built over years.
Your daughters feel trapped too.
Words and rules trap them
The wandering stares
And nimble hands violating
Their exposed bodies, trap them.
They will run one day.
But you already know that,
Don’t you?
Your daughters will leave,
One by one.
But wherever they go
They will always be looking
Over their shoulders.
Scared and submissive.
You didn’t prepare them
You forgot to teach them
How to live, how to grow.
I want to write about
Your failed role as a father.
I want to write about how
Loving you is natural,
But hating you is natural too.

quote

This is the first quote I come across in the morning and I am a little 'hit in the face' by it... Think I will post something about it later... But as of now check out the quote!


"A border can be drawn on a map only after it is first drawn on human hearts."
- Anonymous

The funny story of the millionth Heartbreak.

Hearts get broken all the time. Or at work sometimes I think I got the worst deal.

Many days I just look upwards and exclaim (to what I presume is god but in reality is just the roof) in the most dramatic manner going - ‘WHY ME!’ (my head also plays dramatic background music when I do that)

I do all that and more (I am quite the drama queen and very innovative that ways)

In the middle ofcourse I distract myself with lots of alcohol and drunk dialing/texting. Topping all that with drunk lamenting about how I should have been born in a different generation.
And blah and some more blah.

But sometimes just when I think the world couldn’t be a more messed up place, I hear of a friend delivering a new baby girl. A lil bundle of cuteness whose pic itself is dreamy :)

I remember how, this friend I have, waited for more than an hour to pick me up for a party knowing about my conveyance issues while another was brave enough to ask my Dad if I could get permission for a party that hadn't even been planned yet :P (no harm in being prepared I was told)

I remember the baby brother, who is discovering love for the first time, telling me about the girl he plans to ask out.

I remember the 3 am BB message from a beautiful friend of mine who told me that I need to smile so that the world can smile back at me. She gave me the simplest advice that touched my heart :)

I remember that there is a biker cool dude who believes in die hard romantics like us and when I am losing faith cheers me up! (All is not lost for the fools like us huh?)

I remember the red and yellow wall that waits for me in Bombay. The wall I am supposed to fill with memories and more stories of the life in a new city. A city I don't have to leave anymore it seems :)

Just when I feel like crap, I remember the mail from an old flame who tells me how beautiful I am. Who tells me why he thinks I am worth some bloke’s time (WHAT a sweet mail that was ‘freak’ ) :)

The drama of heart break and bad days carries on for us. Sometimes we find what we’re looking for and sometimes we don’t. But most of the times we walk out with some damn good stories to talk about.

I think my Grand kids would be highly entertained :P

Dogs snore!

My dog snores.
Not the cute 'grunty' kinds.
But the LOUD truck kinds.

He snores with all insane strength and if woken up in the middle of his snoring, seems quite pleased with itself.

I really did not know dogs snore!

Minor

It is a minor fall
From your graces.
It is the demise
Of your enthusiasm.
Once more I blow out
My candles in the air.
It is a minor
Heartache.
No big deal.
Really!
It is just a joke,
And I laugh with you.
I sit across you
And sip bitter rum.
Toast to the start
And the finish.
It is a minor
Addition to my cynicism.
It is minor.
Really!

surviving a new city

living with people is not easy. Living in a new city is not easy. And waking up in the morning is not easy. Actually that is the toughest! *facepalm*

Bombay is a crazy interesting at times scary place.
But this ride is turning out to be something. :)

additions to my blue box

For nights that don't end
For moments that last a lifetime
For sigh's that remain in the eyes long after they've escaped the lips
For the but's and the maybe's
For the many mistakes and then apologies
For the rants and the reactions
For the pursuing and leaving and pursuing again
For being asked to leave
For the stars and the similes and metaphors
For the music and the origin of it all
For never letting you feel the chaos
For always letting you feel the after effects
For the dreams and the process of building them
For our perfectly imperfect world
For when I don't understand
For all the times I understand to the last word
For holding on and letting go
For all these and much more

I apologize and then I don't...
These are trapped in my box of memories now... These are part of my blue box...
I shall visit them often... Reminisce about happy times and the worst times... Always with a smile...
Raise my glass to your patience and to your beliefs... And a new beginning...

the star

The madness ends
The star has, with mutual agreement, stopped shining...
I behaved erratically... I behaved like a person that I wasn't... Thankfully I know that that wasn't me.. though for a while I thought maybe that was the real me...

Hopefully I will be forgiven... Hopefully I will be seen as a human being capable of making mistakes... Or maybe it will never be normal again...

I apologise...