The game...

It is a game...
I am on the losing side today.. Tonight I am going to crash and burn...
But my day to win shall come...
Not tomorrow... Not day after... Not for a long time...

But one day... Till then I will gracefully accept my defeat... And my mistakes..

sometimes when we walk back, the milestone has left...

In the words of the great Da who summarized my situation very well and kinda gave words to what the star was saying to me all along - 'Love me now, for I may wait no longer'

I just forgot to listen...

Blank

I feel like a blank page...
But no... You can't write on me anymore...
with your bright green pen... You can't put your thoughts on my pages anymore...

I have torn the pages away where you wrote earlier... I tore the pages and burnt them... saw the ash fly away into the dark night while I made smoke rings in the air...

I wish I was a slate... I could've just wiped away your words then...

somedays ....

The thing about accepting that it is over is that you never react to it the same way everyday...

Somedays you are okie... somedays you are hysterically crying yourself to sleep.. somedays you are writing angry handwritten letters (you know the ones you never mail) asking him why he didn't understand when I said 'if we keep doing this over a distance, we will waste our chance'... somedays I hear that he is out with her watching a play or a movie and laughing over beers and wonder why I never got a chance to do all that.. ohh wait.. that is because I was not in the same city as him!

Somedays I think when I am infront of him, he will realise that he still is crazy about me and come back ! and then I realise - he is seeing someone else who he thinks is awesome...

Most days I am fine... Most days I am busy...
It is that moment in the lonely hours of the night when you have nothing to occupy your mind but this that I lose all courage... lose all faith.. and go crashing down into a dark disgusting slimy pit of self pity...

But then.. I realise that things couldve been worse...

He is happy.. he has someone...
Maybe my mistakes led him to someone who will love him forever... who am I to argue with fate? :)

Maybe I was a stepping stone for him to meet the ONE! and if I was then I am happy :)

The star shines for her tonight while I shine for him... sometimes you have to be happy for happiness in general :)

The study

When I first met you, I hadn't seen you... I had read about you...
And every word about you trapped me in a state of extreme curiousity... who were you? why were you like this? were you really like this or just the author's imagination? was your personality being exaggerated? were you really THAT passionate?

I am addicted... first to the words and now to you...

I will find you... look for the words in your expressions... I will validate the theories...

Don't leave yet... the study isn't over...

ya ya this is fiction.. Atleast partly.. It is called RANT!

Does anyone know what being stabbed feels like? Or falling of a 100th floor of a building? I don't know.. But I imagine, it must be excruciatingly slow pain that follows post the stab or before u hit the ground...
Right now I feel a thousand times more pain than that. Trapped in a cage where I can scream for hours without anyone hearing anything... I feel like I have ceased to exist.. I am merely a barely visible speck on people's minds..

I came to the star on the ceiling and it stopped shining for me...
now I set myself on fire... Bit by bit.. in search of the light and warmth that escapes me...

I was standing on the edge... And I did a great job pushing myself over it... Falling and falling into nothing.. It just doesnt end...

*self destruct mode activated*

I wrote you my life

I wrote you my life

In bits and pieces..
Through words and rhymes...
On the sides of notebooks and blank postcards...

I wrote you my life

One by one I spilled my secrets
All dreams and desires
All circles and stars and broken glasses


And I wrote you my life

I wrote you my smiles
I wrote you my loneliness
I wrote you my tears and broken hearts

I still write to you

Under stars on a pitch black night
Sometimes on a beach with crystal blue water
On the balcony in my corner in this complicated city

I wrote you my life and I write to you of days that haven't seen me yet...
But today I threw all these in the air and they floated away like lost petals of a dried flower

I hope they float to you..
If you read them someday, do reply...

Follow my blog with bloglovin

a question

Is it easier to write about love than to talk about it?