The thing about accepting that it is over is that you never react to it the same way everyday...
Somedays you are okie... somedays you are hysterically crying yourself to sleep.. somedays you are writing angry handwritten letters (you know the ones you never mail) asking him why he didn't understand when I said 'if we keep doing this over a distance, we will waste our chance'... somedays I hear that he is out with her watching a play or a movie and laughing over beers and wonder why I never got a chance to do all that.. ohh wait.. that is because I was not in the same city as him!
Somedays I think when I am infront of him, he will realise that he still is crazy about me and come back ! and then I realise - he is seeing someone else who he thinks is awesome...
Most days I am fine... Most days I am busy...
It is that moment in the lonely hours of the night when you have nothing to occupy your mind but this that I lose all courage... lose all faith.. and go crashing down into a dark disgusting slimy pit of self pity...
But then.. I realise that things couldve been worse...
He is happy.. he has someone...
Maybe my mistakes led him to someone who will love him forever... who am I to argue with fate? :)
Maybe I was a stepping stone for him to meet the ONE! and if I was then I am happy :)
The star shines for her tonight while I shine for him... sometimes you have to be happy for happiness in general :)
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