for my 24th year :)

I don't make resolutions.
I hate the entire thought of it.
But being such a contradiction, I do set some goals for myself on my birthday.
When we enter the 14th day of January, I turn 24 years old.
And I am far from what I thought I would be like when I was 14 :)
The 14 year old me would be both scandalized and proud of me if she saw me today!

So today I want to make a list of things I want to do and a list of rules I want to follow in my 24th year ! Some maybe too abstract but I am sure when the time comes I'll make sense of it :)

RULES
1. Have faith in myself.

This is something I should probably wake up in the morning and repeat to myself like a 100 times! A friend told me a few weeks back (and I am sure if my friend is reading, he would probably chuckle) about how I have confidence and I have content but I just don't have conviction. THAT is what I need ! I need to have some faith in who I am. Keeping oneself in check is one thing but what I tend to do is called bulldozing one's faith into a pulp and then a lil bit more just to make sure ! This has to change.

2. Rise above paranoia.

I am an optimistic person. But my optimism comes with truckloads of mentally crippling moments of 'what ifs' and 'worst case scenarios'. I HAVE to rise above that. YES it is possible that my boss may hate my presentation, might even say it is CRAP and YES it is possible that the man I am in love with may cheat on me.
But I cannot do anything beyond a point. I can work hard and create a presentation that I think is great. I can love honestly and if I find that my love has been compromised, I can walk out with dignity. But I cannot see the future (that too the most horrible one) and lose my sleep over it. That is just NOT the way to live.

3. LOVE every single thing I do.

If I am sitting and doing nothing, I need to love that.
I actually managed to do that quite a bit in my 23rd year. I set up a rented house in Bombay and LOVED every second of it. I walked around aimlessly and loved that too. I just need to continue doing that :)

4. Take chances.

Life is short. I know it sounds cliched but hell it is so true. And if I am the kind of person who feels the need to do too many things in this life well then I need to just go ahead and do it. YES I want to work with a developmental organisation working for social profit and YES I love advertising as well. This year will be about finding a balance and charting a plan to do both. Somewhere I will squeeze in my desire to learn photography, spanish, writing etc etc. PHEW. I have a LOT of work to do :)

5. Fall in love.

Love is a strong feeling. And I want to feel it. I want to feel the rush and the withdrawal. I want to rise high and fall far below. I want to get dizzy in romance and laugh myself silly. I think I am on my way to this :)
X, are u listening? ;)

6. Learn to appreciate.

This is a life long learning process for me. I have to learn to appreciate constantly the little things. Things my parents do. Things that other people do. Things that happen around me. There is alot to see and hold and love. All I need to do is keep my eyes and ears open !

7. Teach.

I discovered in my 23rd year that someday I would love to teach. And then I realised that I don't need to wait. Teaching and learning happen around us all the time. If someone needs to learn and I can help, then I will rise to the occasion. And I am sure there will always be someone around to teach me as well :)

8. Accept defeat.

Gut instincts aren't always right. I have learnt this the hard way. And I accept defeat. I will always accept my faults and failures. It is important to do so. It is important to say sorry.

9. Letting go.

This is the hardest rule. I have never let anyone go. NEVER. Not the first boy who broke my heart to pieces. Not the girl who I idolized but she crushed my confidence. Not the guy who led me on to believe many things but never followed through. I am friends with everyone. And happily so. But sometimes I have to understand that people don't want to know me anymore. That is when I should give them space and let go. I lost some very wonderful people from my life this past year and I just want to say to them I fought for you all but you all won.

10. Give space. Everyone doesn't want to share everything, everytime.

Every story has a reason and sometimes people don't want to share every story from a life before me. I should accept that and make myself understand that just because they don't want to share doesn't mean that they are hiding something.


NOW the fun to-do list

1. HAVE to buy that dslr already! no seriously!
2. NO postponing writing. write write write!
3. Stationery is never enough. got to get some more :P
4. PLEASE get that driver's license this year.*note to self*
5. I have to get healthy. Expanding in the way that I am will get me nothing but a bad heart (physically) and make me spend tons of money on clothes! So hitting the gym this year!
6. Have to see - Mcleodganj, Leh, Kerala and all the beaches in Maharashtra and Goa this year. THIS is super important!
7. I have to start singing again. :)

Okie as of now I think this is it. But I am sure I will keep adding more rules for myself as time goes by.

Happy Birthday to me! (In exactly 18.5 hours)