I had a really interesting conversation two nights back which led to this thought cross my head which led me to write this post.
I tell every single detail of my life to my best friend and so does she. We have discussed everything under the sun with each other over the years including our respective boyfriends and our relationship issues.
But when I as a best friend pass my comment or judgement, I haven't really heard her boyfriend's version of the story right?
I have just heard her story... of how she feels and what she thinks has been done wrong to her...
But what about what he feels or has to say?
Shouldn't I consider the gravity of the situation and give him the benefit of doubt too and then dish out my advice which honestly may or may not be the ideal advice?
And seriously I don't even think I have the expertise to advice her on her relationship considering I have no clarity when it comes to mine... But yes I can give her my undying support without automatically branding her boyfriend a maniac! Because at the end of the day I don't know her guy as intimately as she does.
And the truth is and what we both have realised is that 'being there for each other' doesn't mean that we just dole out advice without considering the repercussions it might have in the other person's life! Ultimately in the end only the guy and the girl know what is really happening between them.
But I agree that sometimes the Best Friend gives the really needed Reality Check [U better agree Ree!! =)] and are of course the sound boards and the Tissue providers.
(And of course from time to time we too have used the cliched -All-men-are-Pigs dialogue but hey we still Love pork chops don't we!!... sheepish smile )
I know if I were being discussed between two people (one being my boyfriend) I would hope such benefit of doubt is extended towards me too.
"Hey I know I have psychotic tendencies but I have quite some likeable qualities too and the psychoticness really just stops with the boyfriend... I swear ;) "
Anyways... This is for J...
I am her Best Friend and yes, my loyalties lie with her but you are a great guy and I am there for you too! I haven't and wont ever forget how you called up on my loneliest Christmas ever just to keep me company when Ree told you I was sad.
It meant a LOT to me.
Thank You.
Finally as an afterthought I want to add that I am glad that I don't judge people and if ever I have then I am really sorry!!
When I give second chances I feel happy. I feel like I am giving others the breathing space to be themselves and make their share of mistakes.
Someday... when I get over my fear of being judged, I will feel happier and feel the same...
Till then I shall continue to strive to be that carefree person =)
And Ree.. You're still my supercool-Bhindi-stories-listening-Rockstar!! Love you loads!!
6 comments:
hmm... it throws up a question to me... can we ever say that we are not judgemental, and then declare that we enjoy giving second chances? does giving some1 a "second chance" not imply passing judgement? interesting read...
being judgemental is being staunch to what ur first assumption is about a person... or creating an image of a person without knowing them completely... but oh well that is my point of view... but giving a second chnace is giving them the benefit of doubt even if they have done something wrong towards u... some say thts dumb..
I say thts me... live with it ! =)
Hmmm interesting..but is being judgemental really tht much of a bad thing..jst seems tht the word itself has been given a negative connotation..in a practical situation more often than not our 'judgement' about anything is more or less accurate of course except in the case wen u hav been given an utterly biased recount of events.bt even in tht case 1 couldn't say tht thr impression was absolutely off the mark..i mean even if u do get the conerned persons side of the story u really r nt sure which 1 is true and the possibiltity of u even getting the correct 'judgement' is negligible..essentially i guess judgement cant be given a negative or positive connotation..it is jst something tht we do..
yup.. actually see even I cant say that I have never ever judged (hence I have apologised in my post)...
But as a rule I try to avoid it... n in this particular case i definitely do... =)
being Judgemental ain't wrong/bad, as long as we are not opinionated while arriving at our judgement..
And how many benefits of doubts do we give somebody and that too in a relation needs to be thought through..people tend to take us for granted..maybe we do the same to them too..
Nice post..
Cheers..!!
S
I hardly understand relationships . I mean not that because i have not been into one till date but because i think they r very complicated. But i always tend to give advice to my friends regarding theirs .!After reading this i can really understand what goes behind the girls mind..There is a very thin line between giving advise and being judgmental . Advise can be given without knowing the other parts story but to be judgmental , u need to have complete knowledge of both the side.!
Finally a nice post. Keep writing.
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