She looked up... it was still raining... she covered herself again... she preferred the anonymity that the umbrella gave her when it covered her... she preferred being invisible... than being visible to those who couldn't care less...

She wasn't depressed or unhappy or sad.. she was merely disillusioned... disillusionment didn't make her depressed or unhappy or sad.. it just made her shrug her shoulders and reach for her music player...

You see...
Music made everything glow... that was her escape... so she turned up the volume... inhaled the notes... and slowly... let loose her voice...
she sang... she felt every single word and note... it radiated from her entire physical form...
and she sang... her eyes shut tight.. she was dreaming of a different world.. she wasn't here anymore... she was in the middle of nowhere...
There were words... and phrases... and feelings flowing through her where previously flowed blood..
and she sang... there was no now or ever or forever or never... there was everything and nothing...
No one to tell her if she can.. or if she can't... No one she had to state any justifications to.. no one who needed to answer to her...

She was with the most important person in the world... herself... she was singing to the girl who got lost in the chaos...
Her voice was acting like the pipe of the Piped Piper of Hamelin...

And so she sang... with abandon... words of love, words of hurt, words of pain... with music in her ears...

You see.. Music always made everything glow...
And she was glowing again...
Faith restored, she looked up... it had stopped raining... she got up.. decided to meet reality again... a fresh new start.. a fresh new attempt.. maybe this time she wont get disillusioned.. maybe this time...

happy posts... someday...

There will come a day when I too will write happy posts...

and till then this steaming cup of chai can keep me company on cloudy evenings and mornings, when I feel cloudier than the skies above...

I too will find consistency in life..
But till then my mind can wander aimlessly... I can swing from being a ray of sunshine to being a thundering storm...
I have no anchor yet... I am a stringless kite rising higher and higher only to slowly fall again...

I wish... every night I wish for a sign.. I live in hope of divine intervention... But till I see the sign... my colorful pens and paper are my escape... I will write my sadness into you...

To many my sadness is nothing but a frivolous creation of a naive 22 year old... sometimes even I believe so...

But till I am convinced... I will keep running... till I find that perfect point where I don't need no one anymore... maybe that is the thing...

it's a quest to learn to be alone... to have love for yourself that is more than enough, that you don't need anyone else to love you...

And with every passing day... I feel more alienated... from everything that I remembered of you...
with every passing day... I disappear a little more... from us...

When you start working for the first time and if the place you work in is a place that you enjoy going to then you form an attachment with the people..
and when these people slowly move ahead in life and shift to other agencies, there is a sense of sadness you feel coupled with happiness for their achievements..

Here's wishing my sweetest awesoment bada bhai and a senior I have learnt sooo much from.. Mr. Priyanshu Pande.. All the very best! you are truly one of a kind...

Thank You! You made work so much fun... :)

And yes I am sad that I wont get to walk in to office and hear your funny one liners which get repeated again and again ! :P